Scars
by A. Tenmeadows
Summary: "She doesn't apologize, but some part of me hopes she's sorry. I don't forgive her, but some part of her knows I will. I always will." The way Episode 10 of Season 3 should have ended. Paige/Emily. Femslash. Don't like, don't read.
1. Lacerations

**After watching the look on Paige's face when she saw Emily kissing Nate, I immediately thought of 'Scars' by April Walters.**

**And then, I thought of this. It's one of my darker pieces, but I wanted to try something new. Enjoy. : )**

I ignore the sharp needles of frigid cold that pierce my skin when I enter the water. The pool isn't heated at night, and I'm almost grateful for it. I need something to remind me that I'm alive. And somehow, pain does that. Pain jerks me out of any illusions I might have about who I am or how happy I could be. Pain wakes me up from the blissful dream I've been living for weeks. Pain lets me know that for every ounce of good that has come into my life, one droplet of bad can tear it all asunder.

Pain has become my reality. And I have no choice but to accept it.

I let myself linger at the bottom of the Rosewood High School swimming pool, allowing my lungs to burn with the lack of oxygen. I'm only wearing my bra and panties because I didn't have the energy to go to my locker when I broke in. I should probably tell Coach about the loose window pane in the locker room… But then again, if I did, they'd probably caulk it up, and I'd lose my thinking space.

I'm lying on my back, staring up into the darkness of the building. I could just use the pool in my backyard, but the reason I come to the one in my school is because of the sheer isolation. There's no light or sound here. The screams of the fans that usually occupy the stadium seats give way to complete and utter void. It gives me the space to let my thoughts bounce around in the world outside my head, and it keeps me out of my angry place.

I haven't visited my angry place in a long time. I didn't have to. I had Emily. Or, at least I thought I did.

When I saw her kissing Nate tonight, it made me realize something. Emily is bold and courageous, free and undefined. And me? I've waited all this time to be with her… But no matter how many times I kiss her, smile at her, hold her… I'll never feel that I deserve her. It still surprises me that she chose me, the girl who tried to drown her in the same pool I'm treading water in. Emily could have any girl in the whole world. One look from those warm brown eyes would turn anyone into putty in her hands, just like it did me. And even though she's with me, I still feel like some of her is slipping through my fingers.

It's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

The chlorine starts to sting my eyes, so I sit up and push myself to the surface, gulping a large gust of air into my lungs. However, when I turn to swim toward the wall, I'm met with a pair of searching brown eyes that are brimming with tears.

Emily.

"I thought you'd be here," she croaks out, her normally silky voice raspy from crying. "I tried your house, but your mom said she thought you were with me."

I use my arms to slice my way through the water, propelling myself forward to the wall she's standing on. When my fingertips graze the tile, I lift myself out and take a deep breath before drawing myself to full height. And it's in this moment that I really look at her. She looks absolutely terrified, and she has her arms wrapped around herself as if she's trying to keep from shattering.

She looks like I should.

Tears run down her cheeks as we stare into each other's eyes. I'm attempting to keep my gaze cold and unfeeling, but I find myself trying not to fall into those spellbinding eyes. She extends a royal blue towel that she must have gotten from the laundry room toward me, and I take it and wrap it around myself absently.

"I saw you." I don't have to clarify. She knows exactly what I mean.

"I know."

A little piece of my heart crumbles and breaks off, falling into the bottomless pit my soul has become. She doesn't apologize, but some part of me hopes she's sorry. I don't forgive her, but some part of her knows I will. I always will. Because tonight, we're even. Tonight, I've felt every bit of the pain I've caused her in the past. Tonight, I felt what it must have been like when I held Emily's head underwater all that time ago. I felt like my chest would implode from the searing pain and the paralyzing fear that ripped through me when I saw her lips on Nate's.

Tonight, we stand on level ground.

I lean down and let my lips brush hers. A wave of nausea comes over me when I imagine another man's mouth claiming what belongs to me. She returns my kiss fervently, pulling me by my shoulders so that my still-damp body is pressed flush against her. We both know that this kiss is her way of proving how much she loves me, how little the kiss with her dead girlfriend's cousin meant to her. We both know she's trying to prove to me that even if the sky falls and the oceans rise, she's mine. Every inch of her is mine.

And I believe her.

"Come home with me," I whisper when I pull away and press my forehead against hers. I'm panting slightly, but then again, every kiss with Emily leaves me breathless.

"Alright," she agrees quickly.

**There is a second part, so stay tuned.**


	2. Stitches

**This is the second and final part of Scars. Enjoy. : )**

Being the stone-cold realist that I am, I can freely admit that I brought Emily to my house to have sex with her.

But it's deeper than that. I brought her home with me to show her that I'm the one she'll be able to come home to after a day full of all the world's torture. I'm the one that will stay and pick up the pieces of her heart that scatter across the cutting room floor. I'm the one that loves her like no other human before me or since. I brought her here to show her that my heart, my body, my soul… They're hers.

Sex is just a vehicle to show her how I feel.

I lead her by the hand into my bedroom. Thankfully, my parents have gone to bed for the night, so the house is dark with the exception of the residual glow from the porchlight my mother left on for when I returned. I release her fingers to press the door shut behind us. The ethereal glow of the moon pours in throw the window, spilling over Emily's beautiful frame and bathing her in a celestial light. I'm amazed at the fact that even though she's torn out my still-beating heart… She's still the most breathtaking human being I've ever laid eyes on.

"I'll never belong to him, you know," she whispers into the stillness between us. She stares at the carpet beneath her feet in shame.

I cross the room and tilt her chin so that she's forced to look me in the eye. The way I gaze steely into her soft brown eyes lets her know that this experience will not be the gentle first time she was hoping for. It won't be bathed in candlelight like her first time with Maya. It won't be tender, and it won't shy back from everything I feel. It will be raw emotion flooding our nude forms. And I will enjoy every moment of it.

"I know."

The way in which I kiss her astounds even me; it has so much single-minded focus that on the other side of the world, I can hear tsunamis rising out of the sea. It's harsh and fierce, bold and erotic. She moans at my tenacity and fists her hands in my damp hair as I push her toward my bed. We tumble onto the mattress, a mess of tangled limbs and clutching digits. Animalistic noises fill the room, and it takes me aback when I realize that I'm the one making them. I yank her leather vest down her arms and jerk her shirt over her head. She tears my belt off and pushes my jeans down my legs.

This is why we belong together. Everything we do is push and pull, give and take, ying and yang.

I press hurried open-mouthed kisses to her now bare collarbone while she cants her hips into mine. She needs this just as much as I do… And that thrills me. Emily knows she needs to be punished for hurting me, and she's welcoming it with open arms. I grin against her warm, fragrant skin as she urges me on. Sliding my hands down her arms, I grasp her wrists and tug them away from my body, pinning them above her head. She thrashes into me at the loss of control, but I don't care. She doesn't get to be in control tonight.

Tonight belongs to me.

"Please, Paige…"

God, who knew hearing Emily Fields beg would be so arousing?

I intertwine our fingers briefly and peck her lips as an act of reassurance. She knows I'd never do anything to cause her pain. She knows how much I care for her. She doesn't need to hear that. What she needs to hear are the three little words I'd been planning to tell her while we watched that movie at her place. And I'll tell her, I swear I will. It'll just be in a different position than I planned. I pull my hands away from hers and hook my thumbs into the hips of her black lace thong, guiding it down her legs at an agonizingly slow pace. She shirks her bra off herself, revealing the breasts that I've fantasized about for two long years.

"Mark me," she chokes out between pants.

I growl at the tenor of her voice and happily oblige. I engulf the tips of her glorious breasts in my mouth and batter them aggressively with my tongue. I include a playful nip or two to tease her even further, and her pleading cries escalate to ecstatic wails. But, because she asked me to and because I truly want to, slide up her torso and bite down on the erogenous flesh of her collarbone. My lips form a tepid suction, and Emily's pelvis jerks off of the bed and into my own in pleasure. When I pull back and admire my handiwork, I can't help but smile at the dark purple mark that blossoms beneath her flawless skin.

Now, she's truly mine. Now, everyone will know it… Including Nate.

And soon, she'll say it.

This thought sends me into a frenzy, and I spread her legs roughly while massaging her inner thighs. Her face is buried in my pillow to muffle the sound of her moans. I part her folds and let my fingertips play through her wetness. She sucks in a harsh breath and calls out my name. God, I love the way my name sounds on her delicious lips. Unable to resist anymore, I sheath two of my fingers in her warmth and curl them against the rough patch of flesh I know will drive her crazy.

And sure enough, she unhinges.

"God, Paige!" she cries out before bringing her hands back into play.

Her fingernails dig into my shoulders as I continue to devour her succulent breasts. I keep my eyes open, because I want so desperately to see the look in Emily's eyes when I tear her apart from the inside. I want to know what she looks like when her world flashes white hot with pleasure, and I want to know how she looks as I bring her back to Earth again. A small voice within me smirks because I know that Nate will never get to witness this. Nate will never get to see Emily tumble over the edge of reason and give in to her own overwhelming desire.

No, that privilege is mine.

I pick up my pace and start pumping harder into her, the sheer force of my thrusts causing the bed to shake. The pitch of her pleas is telling me that she's dangerously close to erupting, and I know that now is the moment that I must take my prize.

"You belong to me, Emily," I grunt as I work my fingers relentlessly inside her. "You're mine. No silly boy is going to take you from me."

She nods feebly and tries to stifle a scream when I hit the place in her that makes her eyes roll back in her head. But nodding is not enough. I need to hear her pretty little voice say it.

"Say it, baby," I coo gently, my anger dissolving into affection. "Tell me who's loving you."

"You, Paige," she cries out, her voice almost pleading with me to let her explode. "Only you…"

When she finally tells me the words I've been longing to hear since I left her house tonight, I coax her over the edge. She screams her pleasure to the walls of my bedroom, and I muffle her wails with mouth, kissing her for all I'm worth. One shining fact is clear to me now as I watch her body bow tautly against mine. While I watch her completely unravel in the throes of her personal ecstasy, it is abundantly clear that I'm in love with Emily Fields. I love the cute little smile that parts her lips before she leans in for a kiss. I love the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs. I love the way she runs her fingers through her long, silky mane when she's trying to think.

And I love the way that despite the pain we've dealt each other, we both know that we'll always be around when the wounds turn to scars.

"I love you, Emily Fields," I murmur into the small space between us. I let the wall I'd built in my eyes tumble down so that she knows that I mean every syllable with every fiber of my being. The emotion in my eyes lets her know that I'd move mountains, swim oceans, fight the darkness for her.

"I love you too, Paige McCullers."

With her confirmation settling in my chest, I roll onto my back and allow her to snuggle into my side. As I throw my arm around her, I let myself begin to heal.

**Please review if you liked it. Or don't. It's all Gleek to me.**


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